Consumer Products Pt I

Well it seems that my recent trip to Стадион Локомотив (Lokomotiv Stadium) gave me more than just the joy of watching a soccer match. [the match itself wasn't that great, Lokomotiv lost 0-2 and looked terrible, but the stadium is awesome, very modern with jumbotrons, electronic ad boards, and an actual locomotive out in front. It was sweet. And the tickets were decent seats for only 100 rubles] The poor play, coupled with the cold and rain seem to have aided in my picking up a cold. Yesterday I was semi-functional, but today (Oct. 21) I have ordered myself to stay in bed. So since I am absolutely worthless, laying in bed at 1pm and didn't go to class, I figure I'll write a blog and later try and post it through our brand new internet connection at home. (which only works for an hour a day, but that hour is randomly distributed daily) With the cold came the experience of buying and trying Russian cold medication (I was too stupid to pack some DayQuil and NyQuil), so I'll let you know about my favorite consumer products.
I'll start with my recent purchase of the Russian NyQuil equivalent, called Колдрекс Найт. First off, medications in Russia are pretty cheap, this brand name stuff was only like $5. Additionally, medications aren't found in the grocery store, you have to go to the аптека, drug store place . OK, on to the experience. It looked like NyQuil, smelled like NyQuil, I guess it worked liked NyQuil (I slept like 12 hours), but it didn't really taste like NyQuil. The best descriptor I can find would be Roger Miller's description of moonshine in his song 'Chug-a-Lug': “brrbrbbrr I done a double back flip” “mmmm my ears still ring” “wmwme I run ten miles” “makes you wanna holler hidey ho, burns your tummy don't you know.” Or maybe Popeye: “well blow me down.” Stuff was potent. Strongest stuff I've had in my life-I imagine its factory actually being a couple of Kentucky rednecks taking advantage of open and burgeoning Russian markets with less regulation than in the USA by moving their stills to the woods outside Moscow bottling and labeling the stuff as cough medicine. --“Jarvis, you put the dye in it yet?” --”Cletus you done watch-ed me put the sock in it right after I pissed in it for that medikiney flavor.” --”Dang Jar, you knows I can't 'member dat much.” --”'ts Ok just get it bottles and in the truck...and don't forget to scrape the flies off the top this time!” It really put the vodka to shame, which is my next topic. When you go to the grocery store, there is an entire aisle dedicated to liquor, 80% of which is vodka. In a smaller grocery store here, you have more vodka options than you have beer options in Kroger. I won't even venture to guess how many options you have in the larger stores, I'll need to photograph it some time. There is cheap stuff which tastes like rubbing alcohol, but most are really good. I don't drink much of it so I don't really have a favorite, though my roommates always buy one called “Зелёная Марка” (Green Brand/Mark) or something. It is pretty good and runs about $5 per ¾ liter. Or you can buy Stoli for like $6 per ¾ liter, which tastes better IMO, but there are no shortages of options, and the shopping experience becomes overwhelming.
As for beer, there is a decent selection of both Russian beers and your major German brands, as well as Miller Genuine Draft, which still makes me giggle when I see people buy it for the same price and instead of Lowenbrau or Stella. I usually drink Russian beers which run just about $1-$1.50 per liter. There is Baltika #3 or #7 (though there are a few of those numbers in between too), Бочка Золото (Bochka Gold), Невское (Nevskoye), and Старый Мелник (Starii Melnik), as well as a few super cheapies. My favorites are the Невское and Старый Мелник, and my purchase decision is affected by which is available in the bottle at whatever store I'm shopping. Stuff is pretty good, but that doesn't stop my German friend Karsten from bitching about it all the time.
Books. The Russians read a lot. At least half of the people I see on the Metro or bus are reading a newspaper or a book. Bookstores are everywhere and always packed with people. The books themselves are super cheap: I bought a copy of Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea in English for $3. I've seen Tolstoi novels in Russian for like $4, and new, nonfiction works for about $5. Unfortunately, I am yet to find a used book store in which to find old Soviet books of interest to me.
Candy. The Russians seem to love candy as much as me, you can buy it everywhere and for pretty cheap: a Snickers type candy bar is still about 50cents-my favorites are the Mars bar, the Kit Kat big cat, and one called “Nuts,” which is nugat with hazelnuts covered with chocolate. Russian milk chocolate is incredibly good, especially the stuff from the chocolate factory called Красный Октьябр (Red October). It runs about a dollar for a bar a little bigger than your typical Hershey bar, but you can find other good chocolate in the Рынок or from babushkas outside Metro stops for about 50cents.
But the hidden and unknown crown jewel of Russian shopping has to be these things called рулеты, a рулет (rulet) is essentially a giant Little Debbie snack cake which costs about 50 cents (for some reason the cheaper the better). They're available in strawberry, mixed berry, cherry, blueberry and sometimes chocolate. They are like the absolute ultimate of Deezian foods. Can you imaging a Little Debbie strawberry shortcake roll that you can cut up with a knife and give desert to 5-7 people? “Joe, bring your favorite desert to the party.” And I show up with mega Debbie. Glorious.
But don't think shopping is all well and good, yes there are ramen noodles and they're still only like 10 cents per pack, but there are always crowds in the grocery, if you walk too slow and daze off into space you will suffer the fate of the lost and misplaced drunk in Pamplona during the Running of the Bulls. I think they like to hide things in the supermarket too. “There's mayonnaise, ketchup, etc, but where is the mustard? Between the diapers and tampons behind the condoms? Спасибо.” Some things are expensive: orange juice (one of my addictions) is like $5 or more per gallon. And some things just suck. You know the paper they use in the little Gideon Bibles? That's the toilet paper, I just don't know who buys it from whom. Do the Gideons fund their Bible operation by selling toilet paper in Russia, or do the Russian toilet paper manufacturers make extra cash printing Bibles? And the good stuff is like that paper you find in your pocket that you left there and ran through the washing machine, except ironed and put on a roll. Grapes still have seeds, which means the raisins do too. And don't think you'll find orange cheese, and don't ask unless you want to see the angry lady working the cheese counter's confused face. Actually you can find orange cheese, but it requires a trip across the River Styx into the belly of the Beast-the 5th Circle- the Mega-Ashan at the super-mega-mall. Crowds that resemble ants swarming a piece of candy on a summer's sidewalk. “OK, juice, eggs, and cheese; what's this line here by the loading dock? Oh, the checkout line.” You'd think you were waiting to ride the Vortex in 1989-complete with mullets and people engaging in activities describable as foreplay, but without the signs saying how long you'll be waiting from this point.
I should also mention for the smokers that a pack of Marlboros or Camels are about $1.50 and generic brands are as little as 50cents or less. I'll prolly write a Consumer Products Part II sometime, there is a lot of fun to be had-actually I should have planned this all out better and written a multi-part series divided into organized groups: my favorties, butts and booze, other shit, the shopping experience. Go away!